Dear X Boyfriends

Monday, November 27, 2017

Dear former bae's and rest of the internet,

Do you ever notice that when you date someone you start inheriting their mannerisms or find parts of them in you? (abbss nooooo pun intended) Of course you might not realize in the moment, but after the fact - like when you break up. Anyway, I'm just here to say that you shouldn't just refer to your ex as a negative thought of the past. There has to be something that about them or from them that you are/ were thankful for. I'm really over girls just being negative about relationships that didn't work. I would say guys too but I don't know any guys that have dated guys to add that in the mix. Butttttt, it applies to everyone.

ex numero 1: You made me realize that at a young age, I didn't need to be in such a serious relationship. I'm sorry, but at 17, what more could I tell you? Anyway, thanks for introducing me to my favorite sushi spot that I've been going to for the past several years.You know what? They stilllllllllllll don't even know my name but once I say for delivery they instantly know where to. So thanks for that.

ex number two: You were the first guy that I dated with tattoos. Out of all of them, my absolute favorite was the one across your collarbones that read, "All limitations are self-imposed." What  a perfect fucking quote. Up until now, I still find myself saying this in my head whenever something comes up. Is this something I physically can't do? Or is it something I'm just not willing to do? Or is it something I don't think I can do? I've learned not to limit myself so much. You once told me that you didn't want to limit your life experiences, and now, this is something that I completely agree with.

Once again, I was way younger when we dated... and so painfully shy. Speaking up and making my voice known was torture for me. Meanwhile, you spoke your mind effortlessly. It didn't matter for what reason, like talking back or keeping a head thought in well...your head (like that time you said you liked it better when I had more weight on me) ; whatever it was you said it no matter what.
My biggest takeaway was speaking up in the workplace. I grew tired of being stepped on and having to suck on my teeth for things that got my blood boiling. Now, speaking up makes me feel powerful - I'd probably be more mute if we hadn't dated. So thanks for that and the year and some of free pizza.

ex number I'm not going in numerical order: You hated things not in order. You hated things in a mess.  You did laundry every other day. Thank you for teaching me the importance of being clean and for helping me realize that I was not meant to be the house wife type. lmao. Not that I was ever dirty, just not as clean as you. After seeing you in action and how much cleaning satisfied you, you made me want to do it more myself. I do my own laundry now, and I can't focus unless my room is pristine.
Mostly, thank you for teaching me patience and the most I'll ever know about love. Having a relationship that lasted so long from the other side of the world, often left me hella antsy. The best things come in due time. I'm better at waiting now. Whenever I see those stupid fucking love quotes that are all, " love is patient love is kind..." it's all true.  Every single stupid generic love quote is all true. And I know this all first hand because of you. Working a shitty minimum wage job and eating ramen with eggs for several months to afford the flight to see you. Resisting guys that had no respect for our relationship. Learning how to communicate daily; it was a 16? hour time difference. My 6am was like your 1am and in addition to not having the proximity on our side, the time difference wasn't either, yet we still made it work. For almost two years at that. When you truly are in love with someone, no setback will interfere, regardless of how impossible it might make things seem.

Also, thank you for letting me starve that morning we went to the wildlife reserve while you played COD. You KNEW that eating too many tic tacs would serve as a laxative. YET YOU WATCHED ME EAT AN ENTIRE PACK AND TOLD ME AFTER THE FACT. Couldn't have made your post too perfect. It did end shitty for the both of us.

You don't really count: You were like all into the environment and stuff. You even recycled. Imagine a millennial caring about important matters. A rarity. Anyway, I starting carrying around a water bottle. BPA free and all. Save plastic and feel a little better for making a nominal difference in the world. I don't really pass out from dehydration anymore, or have cotton mouth.  So thanks for your contribution of making me want to care about the environment and being more environmentally friendly. Needless to say that habit didn't last very long, but A for effort right?

Hope you all see where I'm going with this. For every failed or ended relationship, you all got or learned something from it (maybe a few hoodies too). Yet why is it that we all choose to talk about what went wrong or about how much we hate them? Next time something comes to an end, consider saying, "yeah we broke up, but this is what I learned..."

Now the real reason you all are here is because you want to know the location of The Smiths mural as I've gotten several DM's about it. Take the $2.75 trip to Canal Street, and walk to Chinatown. Lo and behold, there it is on Pell Street.

Outfit deets: hat, top, and BEYOND AMAZING PLATFORMS VANS all from Vans. The shoes were a gift from someone special ;) Cargos are super old and from Zara. My favorite new denim jacket in the world from  Dollskill, and "you suck" socks from Killstar. Photography by Kieran Bammann.

For my next few post, they will all be dedicated to several people that have suggested topics for me to write about. Did you have an Ex that you learned something from? Drop it low in the comments below.

1 comment

  1. Surprised by the positivity of this post after reading the title. Enjoyed reading this and hope all is well.


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