Dear X Boyfriends

Monday, November 27, 2017

Dear former bae's and rest of the internet,

Do you ever notice that when you date someone you start inheriting their mannerisms or find parts of them in you? (abbss nooooo pun intended) Of course you might not realize in the moment, but after the fact - like when you break up. Anyway, I'm just here to say that you shouldn't just refer to your ex as a negative thought of the past. There has to be something that about them or from them that you are/ were thankful for. I'm really over girls just being negative about relationships that didn't work. I would say guys too but I don't know any guys that have dated guys to add that in the mix. Butttttt, it applies to everyone.

ex numero 1: You made me realize that at a young age, I didn't need to be in such a serious relationship. I'm sorry, but at 17, what more could I tell you? Anyway, thanks for introducing me to my favorite sushi spot that I've been going to for the past several years.You know what? They stilllllllllllll don't even know my name but once I say for delivery they instantly know where to. So thanks for that.

ex number two: You were the first guy that I dated with tattoos. Out of all of them, my absolute favorite was the one across your collarbones that read, "All limitations are self-imposed." What a perfect fucking quote. Up until now, I still find myself saying this in my head whenever something comes up. Is this something I physically can't do? Or is it something I'm just not willing to do? Or is it something I don't think I can do? I've learned not to limit myself so much. You once told me that you didn't want to limit your life experiences, and now, this is something that I completely agree with.

Once again, I was way younger when we dated... and so painfully shy. Speaking up and making my voice known was torture for me. Meanwhile, you spoke your mind effortlessly. It didn't matter for what reason, like talking back or keeping a head thought in well...your head (like that time you said you liked it better when I had more weight on me) ; whatever it was you said it no matter what.
My biggest takeaway was speaking up in the workplace. I grew tired of being stepped on and having to suck on my teeth for things that got my blood boiling. Now, speaking up makes me feel powerful - I'd probably be more mute if we hadn't dated. So thanks for that and the year and some of free pizza.

ex number I'm not going in numerical order: You hated things not in order. You hated things in a mess. You did laundry every other day. Thank you for teaching me the importance of being clean and for helping me realize that I was not meant to be the house wife type. lmao. Not that I was ever dirty, just not as clean as you. After seeing you in action and how much cleaning satisfied you, you made me want to do it more myself. I do my own laundry now, and I can't focus unless my room is pristine.
Mostly, thank you for teaching me patience and the most I'll ever know about love. Having a relationship that lasted so long from the other side of the world, often left me hella antsy. The best things come in due time. I'm better at waiting now. Whenever I see those stupid fucking love quotes that are all, " love is patient love is kind..." it's all true. Every single stupid generic love quote is all true. And I know this all first hand because of you. Working a shitty minimum wage job and eating ramen with eggs for several months to afford the flight to see you. Resisting guys that had no respect for our relationship. Learning how to communicate daily; it was a 16? hour time difference. My 6am was like your 1am and in addition to not having the proximity on our side, the time difference wasn't either, yet we still made it work. For almost two years at that. When you truly are in love with someone, no setback will interfere, regardless of how impossible it might make things seem.

Also, thank you for letting me starve that morning we went to the wildlife reserve while you played COD. You KNEW that eating too many tic tacs would serve as a laxative. YET YOU WATCHED ME EAT AN ENTIRE PACK AND TOLD ME AFTER THE FACT. Couldn't have made your post too perfect. It did end shitty for the both of us.

You don't really count: You were like all into the environment and stuff. You even recycled. Imagine a millennial caring about important matters. A rarity. Anyway, I starting carrying around a water bottle. BPA free and all. Save plastic and feel a little better for making a nominal difference in the world. I don't really pass out from dehydration anymore, or have cotton mouth. So thanks for your contribution of making me want to care about the environment and being more environmentally friendly. Needless to say that habit didn't last very long, but A for effort right?

Hope you all see where I'm going with this. For every failed or ended relationship, you all got or learned something from it (maybe a few hoodies too). Yet why is it that we all choose to talk about what went wrong or about how much we hate them? Next time something comes to an end, consider saying, "yeah we broke up, but this is what I learned..."

Now the real reason you all are here is because you want to know the location of The Smiths mural as I've gotten several DM's about it. Take the $2.75 trip to Canal Street, and walk to Chinatown. Lo and behold, there it is on Pell Street.

Outfit deets: hat, top, and BEYOND AMAZING PLATFORMS VANS all from Vans. The shoes were a gift from someone special ;) Cargos are super old and from Zara. My favorite new denim jacket in the world from Dollskill, and "you suck" socks from Killstar. Photography by Kieran Bammann.

For my next few post, they will all be dedicated to several people that have suggested topics for me to write about. Did you have an Ex that you learned something from? Drop it low in the comments below.

Let's "Link Up"

Monday, October 30, 2017

If you are spending more time stalking your crush over the gram than seeking out people with your dream job on LinkedIn, then you are DOING IT WRONG.

Let me introduce you all to LinkedIn, the more professional version of Facebook. Here is the formal adult world where you will not find modern day memes, INSIDER videos, and every wannabe news reporter. Expect to find inspirational quotes, positive stories, and situations to reflect on. Of course you can't do this all without a proper network.

Remember when you were younger and added everyone on Facebook from people you actually knew to people you've made eye contact with just a strand of their hair? If even that. Welcome to LinkedIn, where you will renew this younger social media habit. Instead, this time, you are going to put the "social" in social media.

On the first day of school or a job, theres ALWAYS that round of introductions followed by an eyeroll from someone that dreads the idea. (tbh that was always me in class) Instead of adding someone and never talking to them, how about you send a request and INTRODUCE YOURSELF. Ask them how they are as well and if they would be willing to talk about their work experiences. Do this especially with people that are working in your desired field. Just because you don't personally know them does't mean you can't reach out to them. Didn't all your friends start off as strangers anyway? Exactly my point. So start typing and building that network.

Next up: your actual profile. Pick a really good picture, not your Saturday night TAO or Dream Downton ones, but a simple, "heres my face one."Rumor has it you should't have a picture with glasses on, I do and I've still gotten got offers. Just post a full face high quality photo in good lighting. Then list all important/ relevant work experience and educational deets. Don't know what to put under your job description? Go to your jobs website if they have one and pull out some key points from that description! You can now smack the easy button.

So now you're back to typing. Start adding start talking. Start applying to jobs by requesting HR Managers directly and then emailing them your resume. It is 2017. It took a man to send a box of donuts to an employer to get her to read his resume. It'll cost you nothing because you got LinkedIn. The goal is to get noticed and make it known that you are interested. If that doesn't work, connect with other people in that company or organization. Someone will have a direct contact. Obviously be smart about it. Don't just email "Hey, I really want to work here can you give me a contact from someone that can make this happen..." What stranger is going to want to do that? None. Once again, introduce yourself and a very little bit about what you do and how it will be relevant. But before that ALWAYS ask how the person is doing. It's polite, professional, and shows that you aren't messaging for just your own benefit. Personally by experience, this has worked best for me.

So lets say you get an interview, now what? Go on Glassdoor and start reading reviews from people that once worked there. This helps because you'll get to know the pros and the cons, ALSO, some people leave potential interview questions that they will be using. Write them down on a piece of paper and start creating a well developed answer of your own. How to used LinkedIn with this: message people, like an intern, and ask them about their interview experience/ do they enjoy working there. Go on Google and search the company. See if there was anything relevant going on related to them in the news. Maybe it was a current collaboration with a well known designer, maybe they just had a new acquisition, maybe they are implementing a new technological system. You never know whats going to come up in a interview, so you want to be as prepared as possible. Since you "really wanted to work there," what better way than to show you actually care than about knowing the behind the scenes / staying up-to-date with all things related to them.

Here's just some of my personal tips/ ideas on using LinkedIn for jobs and interview prep. I've gotten five job offers/internship offers just from doing this. Lately I feel like a lot of people don't know how to properly utilize LinkedIn, so it's a missed opportunity for them. This blog post was highly requested and if I could help a few friends or strangers out, the content in this piece was the goal.
I hope this helps you on your journey! If you have any questions, comments, or even suggestions, feel free to drop them below.

Photo by Kieran Bammann. Hopefully someone caught on the chain links on my belt in relation to the post. I'm so witty, I know.

Who I am, hates who I've been

Monday, October 16, 2017

Or who I've been, hates who I am; the order can be debatable, yet still valid when said in both ways. The other morning I was waiting for a train feeling rather empty. I've been feeling a little empty lately. Unsatisfied. Uninspired. Unmotivated. And on top of it all, afraid to shop. I would like to say that partially came from an article from Girlboss about the average American not knowing how to budget (I am that average American.) And from a recent lecture in macro. The rest, well, you are about to read about.

When I feel these ways, I always like to look to the past, so that way I get redirected into the future. I read old blog posts, and look at my Instagram feed, and I try to get a feel of what got me to those moments, and what I was feeling in the moment. The video of me running home eager to show my brother how I learned how to do a headstand in yoga that same hour? I smiled as he recorded me holding the headstand for a few seconds before I fell over and we both started laughing. The picture of me smiling in someones apartment filledddd with giant red balloons; a mere reminder of the little things in life. And just rereading old work reminds me of how witty and funny I really am/ can be. It also reminds me of all the positive feedback I've gotten. These things remind me that the feelings are temporary, which helps me progress.

What has me feeling all these ways is work. Any type of work...school, my jobs, and my up keeping. Does anyone ever realize that we are only in our early twenties and that we will be working the rest of our fucking lives? The average person retires at 65. If you want to be a little more cushioned or productive, retire at 70-something. That's a good 40 SOMETHING MORE YEARS. By then we could have a face full of wrinkles, health issues, or even be looking into retirement homes. I didn't sign up for this.

As a legitimate workaholic, it stresses me the fuck out. 23 days into the month of September and I've only had 3 days off. And those three days don't even count because I'm in class from 12-9:30pm. I hate this routine of constantly being on the clock. Working to pay bills, and spending precious time indoors behind a desk and in a stockroom. Working is just such an integral part of my life and always has been. But it's becoming so routine and as a result its making me miserable. Please don't tell me I'm the only one.

I hate how working so much has caused me to lose myself. The workaholic I am, hates who I've been. Hates being cranky, tired, and having only enough time in the morning to pop in two chocolate chip waffles before running out the door and doing it again for the next 6 days. Hates that I've lost a bit of the person that I am, to turn into a catatonic , ill version of Wednesday Adams. On top of the mixed feels, I end up taking a break from you, my audience. What do I talk to you about? What do I share with you anymore? Are you still going to read my posts?

I overthink and stress... ALOT. A not so fun fact: if you stress so hard you can develop air bubbles on your fingers that eventually cause the skin on your fingers and hands to peel and bleed. It itches a lot and is very uncomfortable. Apparently, stress causes hand eczema. Let me tell you, nothing looks more disgusting. And nothing is more awkward than meeting a new person in the business world and REJECTING a handshake. The seconds of staring at each other while the hanging hand is well just...hanging, can feel like days.

So if you're in a funk, or feel a bit uninspired, take a few minutes and look back. Look back at happier moments, look back at old accomplishments, look back at the memories that you enjoyed. You will have new moments like these to look forward too in the near future. And don't stress too much. You don't want hand eczema. Nobody does. Take the time out to have a peaceful lunch break, meet up with a friend as time restricted as your schedule is. Take that mental health day off. No amount of money is worth more than your well being. I hope you are all doing well. See you all in the near future.

Let me not forget, photo credit to the fab Kieran Bammann.

Shitty Adult

Sunday, August 27, 2017

This week I started my product development internship and my new job doing visuals. And holy hell, was it a lot of running around.

First off, Market Week is approaching. For those of you in the industry, you already know your days in the office will be from 9am to as late as overnight, trying to perfect everything , meet deadlines, find the exact fabric for your designer, and the lists of tasks never seems to end. As the intern, I never knew what to expect for the day; I never did the same things as the say before. My duties ranged from grabbing coffee (yup) to making runs to midtown for fabric... needless to say it was a constant back and forth from the office to midtown. I've never taken the R train so much in my life. The blisters on the bottom of my toes are just little souvenirs from my delivery ventures this week.

The other morning I had to get pizza for a meeting that was happening later that hour. Online it said it was open, in person, they weren't opening for another half hour. Cool. That was the most ideal time to take a seat on an edge where a dog had taken a piss. Yup. I sat in old dog piss. No, I did not notice until I got up and realized I smelled homeless. Suddenly the Schnauzer next to me wasn't so cute anymore. For all I know, it was him. Pissed at the fact I sat in the piss, I walked into the little store next door. There was a giant pink neon sign in the outline of a naked woman and that urged me to walk in. The entire concept of "Bulletin," was that all the novelties in store were created by female entrepreneurs. It was all pretty cute. I passed by a dish of pins that read " Shitty Adult." I laughed to myself; it was basically me.

Mind you, I've done retail work my entire life. So my office skills to this point were as limited as could be. One of the designers asked me to make a copy of a duffel bag. Plot twist, copy machines are not just for making copies of paper. It took five failed attempts and the image that was six pages long, wasn't evening out to be the exact size of the actual bag, or straight enough for all the pages to align together. At this moment, I was the classic example of a shitty adult. I couldn't even make copies right.

It took a few days to get into the routine of things. My biggest and most important takeaways this week were:

INVEST IN A GOOD PAIR OF SHOES. You never know how often you will be sent out. To avoid blisters, don't wear pointed booties or canvas sneakers.
Pay attention to directives, or lack of. Ask questions and get it down to the specifics in order to avoid having to do the same thing twice or more.
Take notes. Figuratively, literally, whatever... as long as you take notes. And take EXACT notes, don't skip any steps. You have to be quick and keep up. If you gotta sacrifice the neat handwriting for the peace of mind, do it. Leave the nice handwriting for when you have the time to write neat. The nice handwriting will always be with you, but the seconds between notes won't.
Don't be too quick to ask for help. It can be easy to panic when you have to do something you've never done before. Try to figure it out on your own if possible. If that fails, then ask for help.
Make sure to get enough sleep at night and stay hydrated. If these people can stay overnight, you can manage being there for 8 hours. Plus, you are younger than everyone else, it just looks bad if you're tired. BJ's has really good down pillows fyi.
Be nice and approachable to everyone. Not just your supervisor. On an errand run, I greeted the man I was dropping off some materials to and introduced myself. We then had a little conversation and before I walked out, he gifted me a measuring tape and his business card. He said to call him when I was done with school so I could work with him. See how a small gesture went a long way?
Always watch where you sit. Sitting in piss definitely wasn't the highlight of my week.

So here's all my useful tips to you. Use them wisely. I will be updating this list as my experience goes on, and of course, sharing it all with you. Also, I really will try to post as frequently as possible, but with classes starting tomorrow, this internship, and a job, I deff can't make any promises. Good luck to everyone in school this semester! Outfit deets: black bandeau from Brandy Melville, vintage reconstructed flannel from LF, and side zip shorts from Cotton On. Photo's by @royal.youths.

The Glow Up

Monday, August 14, 2017

Or is it glo up? I'm not so sure tbh. The older I get the more out of touch I feel with the terminology of the youngins. Good thing Urban Dictionary always has an answer.

Today I am officially 23 years OLD. I feel like it's the awkward in between of not quite being as young as 21, but not old enough like being 25. Every year I have the same damn dilemma... HOW DOES ONE LOOK THEIR AGE? Just two weeks ago a producer at MTV asked me if I was a senior in high school looking to get a senior yearbook quote from T-Pain. I internally made the same face as I am in the picture above and accept the fact I will look like a child forever.

I haven't written in almost a month, and that's because I put blogging on hold until I had some things sorted. Basically I quit my job 4 days after my last post, booked a flight to Texas for the weekend, took a road trip to Pittsburg, and took some time away. I had myself a Kylie Jenner moment to "realize things," and did I realize a lot 'o things. Yet these are the only ones I want to share.

1. I'm not very good at being unemployed. Two days into joining the percentage of people that weren't working had I already found another job. I was just that determined to be back at it. I felt some sort of guilt for not being on the clock. Truth be told I spent a a hella lot of time on Indeed those two days.

2. I am that millennial that depends on the nearest form of food delivery because I. WILL. NOT. COOK. It's just so nice to know that someone else is making AND delivering your meal. All you have to do is call and ask. How simple. How perf. Let me do it forever. And if you do it so much, they ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. Does it get any better?

3. Discovered my recent addiction to LinkedIn. This has been my favorite discovery so far. I might even do an entire post dedication to how I've used it to my advantage.

4. I realized that in addition to having little to no desire to cook, I also, cannot sweep. I pick up a broom and twenty minutes later have allergies that no amount of Benadryl can fix. Two hours later my nose has turned into Brooklyn's newest version of Niagra Falls (mind you no photos because the mere sight alone is anything other than the perfect photo opp.) By 10 pm I've sneezed all the energy and mucus out of me and have the best sleep ever. Until the same shit happens for the next few days. It's miserable. And leaves me looking and feeling exactly like the picture below. Minus the umbrella. I don't know what that umbrella is looking or feeling like but I hope it has a nice journey across the beach and beyond.

One of my bigger realizations was realizing I was working a job that wasn't going to help me land my career. So I applied to a ton of internships for product development. Out of 11 scheduled interviews, both my 4th and 5th ones gave me an offer. I accepted no.5 and canceled the rest! I AM SO EXCITED TO START! I wish I care spare the details about with who just yet, but you'll see. Very few of you already know :)

I have so much to write about, and feel like this post is a little lacking, but it is my birthday, so I'm off to go cliff diving. I'll save more of the recently learned lessons another Monday :)

Outfit deets: Jean Jacket from American Eagle, Vintage reconstructed top from LF, jeans from Topshop, Booties from PacSun, and leather unlined tote from Rebecca Minkoff.

Time to Check Out

Monday, July 17, 2017

"Are you ready to check out?" says the automated cashier voice in my head. No. I wasn't ready, but I knew it was a move I had to make. For months I've been working a particular job that everyday, for five days a week, I'd come in and count down the hours until it was time to finally leave. I hated my job, but because of this job, I was able to pay my bills, go out and buy whatever I wanted, and be able to live to my liking. To me, that was more important than the bullshit I had to put up with on a daily basis. So I tossed my feelings of unhappiness aside every morning or closing shift,and kept money as my motivation.

The very moment that inspired my decision: I came into work Wednesday morning. I shipped out orders that customers placed in store. I do over 250 markdowns. I wait for my associate to come in so I can use the bathroom as I work alone for a few hours until the next person comes in. So when this associate comes in, ten minutes late, he sits down and starts talking on his phone. I let it slide because it might be important and assume that he will get off the phone soon. 15 minutes later and he's still on the phone. From a few feet away, I tell him get off the phone. He turns his head in my direction, says hold on to whoever he was talking to before saying, "Excuse me, who the fuck are you?" Who the fuck am I? Imagine telling your boss that. How many seconds after that would they still be your boss before they fire you. Those five words chimed in my head. I'm Soni.fucking. Solano. Was I working in an ideal location? No. Was I really learning from a team on how to better my skills and increase my chances of being promoted to the next level? No. Was I making as much as my skills were worth? No. Was I happy being there? lol, d e f i n i t e NO. I knew my worth, yet I was settling for less. In that moment, just like the several months I've been there, I was someone who was fucking settling. I know know my worth, capabilities, potential, drive, career aspirations, and so much more. I, am someone who is fucking leaving this job and finding something way better. So who am I? Someone that is fucking leaving. Like Queen B herself said, Boy, Bye. So I call my boss and put in my two weeks.

Never in my life had I put in my two weeks on the spot. Without having a cushion of funds to keep me afloat. Without having a plan. After the internal breakdown of panic for a completely unseen decision, comfort came over me. I was finally free, at least in two weeks I would be. Then came the thought of being unemployed. No funds. No more shopping sprees on Dollskill. No more lunches and dinners at cute spots in Soho. The comfort was still there, but now those thoughts were bringing me pain. Two weeks would be my transformation from Blair Waldorf to Jenny Humphrey. Maybe that was a bit drastic and as there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, you get the idea. After I clock out for the day, I took the train into the city, where I sit in a gallery for almost two hours. Just sitting. Just thinking. A woman comes around passing out bubbles, so I take bubbles and start blowing them. It was therapeutic AF. Everything would be ok, it's not like I would't be able to get another job ever.

Moral of the story: one day you are going to work a job you hate and put in your two weeks on the spot, so go find some bubbles, buy new feather down pillows, and play Bohemian Rhapsody really loud. Yes, this is the real life. (Here is your written reminder that this is a song reference, from the song) These things will happen, whether you were prepared to check out or not, you know your worth and how much better you deserve. Whether its work wise, relationship wise, or decision wise, you shouldn't settle for the things you don't deserve. And you definitely SHOULDN'T PUT UP WITH WORKING A JOB YOU DONT ENJOY.

Outfit deets are listed in my last 2 blog posts. Fun fact, the picture of me in my Vans were recently featured on the Vans website, so that was a very exciting moment. Photos by @royal.youths.

Why I Don't

Sunday, July 9, 2017

High School- the 4 years most people fondly remember are the four years I wish I could forget. I went to one of those widely known schools, one of the "good ones." I was accepted by audition for vocal music. I spent a lot of my time singing and drowning in work. But that wasn't what made it miserable.

Around my sophomore year, Formspring was pretty fucking popular. For those of you that are too old or too young to know about it, it was a website where you could anonymously ask questions to someone. (It no longer exists as it got taken down several years ago) It was widely popular for kids in middle school school and in high school. I myself had made an account bc like everyone else doing it, they wanted interaction. Hell, they even asked people to ask them questions. Imagine that, ASKING people to get to know you... At the time of creating my account, I was already aware that there were people that didn't like me for reasons unknown. Instead of receiving questions, I had received a few comments. The comments even went as far as telling me to go kill myself, and that nobody cared about my existence. A lot of things changed for me after that. As I had no family on Facebook at the time, only people from school, I knew it was someone from there. I no longer felt safe. I had random anxiety attacks that would go into seizures. I started skipping classes and "sleeping in". For all I know, it could have been one of my classmates that I sat next to on the daily. I got very sick and depressed and really lost my desire to interact with anybody. Even my friends at the time had distanced themselves from me, so I was feeling ultimately alone. When I finally found the words for the few conversations that came my way, my mouth would open but I physically couldn't speak. You had a better chance at hearing a dying person whisper their final words as opposed to hearing me... There were so many stories like mine that resulted in young kids committing suicide. People fail to realize the power of words. That's why I choose mine wisely.

It got to the point where I ended up transferring schools for my senior year. I only had three classes at my new school, and went straight home afterwards. There I was nobody, nobody knew me, I'd have no problems. What hurt even more than graduating alone was seeing all the pictures of people I had known from my old school having fun on the senior events and really just enjoying their final year before college. I wished I was one of them.

Since then, I've been very cautious of who I acquaint myself with, and what I post online (both in text and pictures.) On my Facebook, I only advertise accomplishments, pictures of travel, relatable videos, and pictures/ my blog posts. On Instagram ALL of my pictures are pictures of me. Never really any with my friends, family, guys I'm dating, or where I work. My gram stories feature things like my love for street art in the city , to the places I eat, to just plain views. It's really rare that I post anything with anyone else. The only time I include people is when I'm shooting with my photographers to promote their work and services or when I'm with my blogger friends. It's what we do.

The Formspring comments are one of the reasons why I don't speak more about my personal life and the people in it.I barely want people to know me after the comments, none-the-less the closest people in my life. It's not that all of my socials are solely about me as if I was stuck up and wanted all the attention for myself... but the less people know, the better. Only the closest people in your life should be able to know you and all that you're about. You are exclusive, and not everyone should have the privilege of being able to know you. The rest can know you from a distance. I wish in high school more people had known that. Hell, theres SOOOOO MUCH MORE I wish they did know. That you don't need to post every fucking detail of your life online from how hungry you are , to the beef you have with someone else, to how much you made on your most recent check. Yes it's social media, but monitor/limit how social you are. Realize that people are reading what you share, and some, a little too closely. NO MATTER WHAT FUCKED UP SHIT IS GOING ON IN YOUR OWN LIFE, DON'T CYBERBULLY OTHER PEOPLE. Get a shrink, go see a therapist, but by all means in no way take out your life's frustrations behind a screen to innocent people that have nothing to do with you. Have online etiquette. Post in moderation. Back in school people actively posted about who they were with and what they were doing to prove that they had lives and friends. You DON'T need to do this to prove that you have one too. At the time I wish I had known that. I wish I had known it all.

Outfit deets: My hat is from Sausage Skateboards, my glasses are from Petals & Peacocks, top from The Ragged Priest, (one of my fave UK labels.)Shorts are from Primark. Photo's by the one and only @royal.youths. I can't say I felt better instantly after what happened; it did take quite some time. But a few years later and now I'm openly able to speak about it and say that everything does feel better all in due time. You will survive everything that you go through, and in the end what didn't break you will sure as hell make you. And better than you were before at that.

Miss Independent

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

I was a really big fan of Kelly Clarkson growing up, so this post got it's name from one of her songs. Kelly's song aside, the 4th of July is about America gaining it's independence from Great Britain and the adoption of the declaration of independence. Don't worry, I'm not about to give you a history lesson rn (or ever), just a few suggestions.

When I think of being independent, the intro of her song is how I can define it. "Miss independent, Miss self-sufficient, Miss keep your distance, Miss unafraid, Miss out of my way, Miss don't let a man interfere no, Miss on her own, Miss almost grown..." This really explains me in all my independent nature. I'm not 100% self sufficient or unafraid though... sometimes I really need help getting censors off apparel at work and don't even get me started on my failure of being able to properly follow directions on Google maps. Tbh, I'm still afraid of the dark and will not go into my kitchen without turning on every light as I make my way there. AND, I have to be accompanied by my dog. I need to have my guard dog. That way , me and the cookies are being intensely guarded. Guess you can say my current status is stuck at "miss almost grown."

I could go on and give a little explanation for every line of the song, but what it really comes down to is being independent enough to say fuck needing anybody or anything and being able to make it on your own. I would hope none of you end up like Tripp from Failure to Launch; still living at home at the age of 35 and without a job. That's just sad.

At the mere age of 15, I was already working my first paid summer job as a camp counselor and thats where I began to be self sufficient; through learning the value of working for and earning my own money. I was earning freedom financially!!! Allowance and a job was great, until my parents decided that was the end of it. That sucked. I'm pretty much 23 now, some of my friends that are nearing their late 20's still ask their parents for money and try to get whatever they can out of them. I can't say I don't do the same, whenever a free ride or a meal is offered, I can't decline. Because free food!? What is there to object? Who could possibly object?! Thanks mom and dad.

Getting back to independence - learn. Grow up. Fuck up. Ask for help less and starting learning on your own more. Live your best life on your time and nobody elses. That last one is so crucial. Stop relying on other people and start relying on yourself. Learn to be on your own. Enjoy being on your own too. Learn the messy art that is adulting. We can't be like Peter Pan, wanting to be in Never Never Land forever , but we can keep our youthful spirits and creativity amidst the chaos and complications that come with growing up.

Outfit deets: my top and bottoms, and fishnet socks are from Dollskill, and my shoes are the Anaheim Factory authentics from Vans. (fyi sold out in the white online, but here's a link to the available colors.) I actually get out of work early today, so I'll be spending my independence day at the beach and eating cookies because what else is there for a vegetarian to eat at a barbecue? How will you be spending your 4th of July? Let me know :) My gorgeous pictures are thanks to Smithshell J. of @royal.youths.

Nobody's Perfect

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Please tell me you know what Hannah Montana song I'm trying to reference. Anyway, nobody really is perfect. As much as I'd like to be a perfectionist, and strive to be one, I always occasionally fuck up. Earlier this week, a street artist that had done a wall down in Coney had contacted me about taking a picture in front of it, so I assumed that it was with the rest of the art walls. From checking out his Instagram pictures, his murals were all in black and white. There were only two black and white walls, so I took pictures with both of them just to be safe.

Turns out, neither of those were his mural. What I think happened was that I read his message too fast and overlooked the address. He said he had done a wall in Coney, and the only place with art walls is the Coney Island Art Walls. HIS WALL IS BY AN AUTO BODY REPAIR SHOP. So now I'm stuck with pictures in front of the wrong wall, and don't have a picture to send to the artist. I feel so awful. He recently sent me a DM asking if I had even taken it and I had to explain what happened. He never even replied. I guess it serves me right. It was just an honest mistake. I can either blame it on my lack of attention at the moment, or the fact I've had too much to do, either way, it still comes down to me. It's difficult being one person with such an eventful life. I'm the daughter, assistant manager, friend, blogger, occasional "model," and have to juggle between so many conversations a day. Sometimes I low-key want to hire my own intern because I have so much to do. Especially now that I'm working overtime due to a situation at work. I just finished working an 11 hour shift today. As much as I'd love to be in a deep sleep somewhere in Neverland at the moment, I can't sleep on the dream. I have no intern. I am the intern. My blog isn't going to update itself. The store can't run as well without me there every day. It goes on. I have to go on.

Earlier today, I got a visit from my friend Zack, who knew how long my day was going to be. He offered a Red Bull or coffee, but I politely decline. (I'm really not one for caffeine, I really don't know what people love about it.) "So what keeps you going?" he asked, "ambition," I replied. We both grin. I spend the rest of my night folding down the rest of the store, balancing between ringing up, helping customers, and trying not to think about how I spent an entire week without going to the arcade to play skeeball. I love my business-before-pleasure life, where it really just feels like business 24/7. Birthday vacation, where you atttttttt.

If you can't already tell, I'm a little exhausted at the moment; both physically and mentally. Right now I could use nap time, an allowance, and home packed lunches. WHAT I WOULD DO TO BE ABLE TO SEE MORE DAYLIGHT. Play more skeeball. Have time to shop in store without being disturbed by questions, texts, or phone calls. Not have to work to pay bills. Being an adult sucks. I'm currently thinking of the summers as a kid where I would go to baseball camp with my friends and come home to go swimming in our pool, and then back inside to the AC and watch the Nicktoons Summer Beach House. Those were the days. What I would do to have them again...

Outfit deets: basically everything I'm pretty much wearing is from Forever 21 except my hat. The entire outfit was only $70! From the hat to the Rocket Dog platforms.Pictures were taken by my girl Kieran, who came down to Coney for the morning to shoot me. Hope you enjoyed my ranting and look! If you can relate or want to drop some inspo, drop it lowwwww. For now, I'm off to sleep.

brand collabs

So Underrated

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

If thats you, then you definitely want to check out Underrated Clothing. Founded by Shelly Salzbrunn at only 19, she wanted to represent all the talented, yet underrated people out there. As her business began to develop, she thought about all the people that she would need to hire: professional photographers, stylists, models, etc. Then it occurred to her that she actually knew all these people. Yeah they weren't considered "highly paid," or "professionals," but she wanted to help them get there. When I spoke to Shelly, she said, "what better way to incorporate all the artist out there who are just trying to make it, then to have them get the experience they need with us? These people are underrated. They deserve some sort of recognition, even if it's just from an online clothing business like ours." YESSSS GIRL. I love that she decided to do this. A true entrepreneur really thinks of all possible ways to make their vision come to life, and Shelly was no exception. It was a creative, on the spot idea that proved to be effective. Take a look at the site yourself, can you really tell that it wasn't done by a "professional?" If I didn't tell you, you wouldn't have even known.

This top picture above is the Emily. Out of the 3 pieces I shot with that day, it was by far my favorite. I loved how extremely flattering it was, and how comfortably it fit.I'm not one for super girly pieces or lace, but the lace trim was a nice touch. It's the perfect summer top because it's hella cute, lightweight, and you won't feel like your dying while wearing it in the intense heat. I definitely will be wearing this one a lot and I'm not going to apologize about it.

Okay I lied. This one was my favorite. When I was looking at the website it said trendy and affordable clothing, and it didn't lie.(Unlike what I just did.) This jacket was only $60! Thinking about it, the clothes remind me exactly of LF. Stylish yet AFFORDABLE, unlike at LF how a pair of shorts can cost as low as $298. ANYWAY, normally oversized jackets just feel big and bulky, but the Shelly jacket was just the right amount of oversized. It's not something I can describe, but definitely something you can feel once you wear it. You won't feel like your drowning in denim, or feel like your lost in your own silhouette either. For a denim jacket, it was actually extremely comfortable! It didn't have that itchy feel to it and just 10/10 would recommend. (Insider tip, can be worn in 80 degree weather.) Another insider tip, I actually wore in in 80 degree weather haha.

Lastly, the Courtney top. I wish I had loved you as much as the other two, but I just wasn't physically blessed enough to wear you the way I liked. I'd highly recommend to wear with a bralette, but if you're feeling a little bold, just wear it alone! This one would accessorize really well with jewelry or a hat. Overall, I really did love the three pieces I got. Thank you Shelly for the opportunity to work with you, and I wish you and the company much success. I highly encourage you all to go and check out Underrated Clothing here, and if you purchase anything, drop a comment on why you got it and how you plan to wear it :)

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