& We're Off

Sunday, March 27, 2022

Start calling me Carmen Sandiego, because I'm always on the go nowadays. (Except I'm not a thief.)

It all started with a trip to Spain at 17 (which was a gift from my parents, and the only trip they ever paid for.) After that, I knew I needed to see the rest of the world.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again- fashion does NOT pay. But I've always been determined to make it work on my salary. Coming from someone that has gone to a new country almost every year (and next week I'll have seen 2/5 new countries during 2022), here are my tips:


There's more than one reason for this: tickets are dramatically cheaper because less people are traveling, and there's way less people in your country of destination. As an introvert on a budget, this really works for me. Also, if you are one of those people trying to do it for the gram, there's less people in the background of your pics. Ya welcome.


Realistically speaking- absolutely nobody goes on vacation to sleep. NOBODY. So why spend an upwards of $300 a night when you can spend as low as $20 a night. Plus, this is a really great way to experience the culture by meeting the locals that will work there, as well as meeting other travelers. Hostels really add to the traveling experience! But, you will be sharing a room dorm styled with about 8-10 other people. They do have options for private rooms as well.

This def isn't for everyone, so noted if you want to skip this and go for an airbnb situation.


I personally have NEVER booked a flight directly through an airline. Ever. Try Cheap o Air, and Skyscanner- I've found my best deals on these sites, and have saved so much on airfare. (Which means that I can spend more on food and entertainment.) Sometimes sites like this will charge some sort of agency fee, and in this case, I will check to see rates on other sites for the same date and time- to see which will be the lowest.

4. Don't bring more than you need to

You do get charged for checking bags. I usually only ever bring a personal item and a carry on. It saves time at the airport- and I don't have to live in fear of all my favorite items getting lost. I couldn't possibly imagine a more nerve-wracking situation than arriving somewhere and having no clothes (my favorite pieces have too much sentimental value to be replaced.) Pack light- you don't need a completely new outfit or an outfit change for everyday.

5. After booking, start mapping out your trip

I make a mock itinerary for every place I go to. So in advance I get a good idea of how much spending money to bring, and can estimate how much the total trip will cost. Public trans and walking will always be the most pocket-friendly options, but sometimes Uber anywhere else than NYC is sooooo shockingly affordable.

I've traveled to the following countries below directly from JFK, and this was how much I paid roundtrip for each:

New Zealand $1,300 (I've been twice and it's never been under a grand)

Aruba $500 (last minute during December)

Italy $480 (traveled in January- it was helllla cold)

UK $400ish (traveled in November, brick city but bearable)

Netherlands $400 (Traveled in early January- it was cold)

Mexico $330 (Traveled late August)

Portugal $380 (Traveled in early February- weather was perfect- never needed a coat)

Thailand $500 (Traveled during Songkran in April- SUCH AN EXPERIENCE! It was hellllllla hot)

(There is more to the list but I'm not trying to bore anybody.)

And as of tomorrow, I'll be going to El Salvador for $180. This is the lowest ever!!!! (It's also expected to be 90 degree's there this week!)

So there you have it :)

Traveling is often said to be really expensive, but is it? Or are your spending habits the real issue? Just something to think about...

Drunk w. Strangers

Sunday, February 27, 2022

I was on the way to the JFK, when I knew I needed to take a nervous shit.

Just a week prior, I had received a call that I was getting laid off, and decided that the following week I would go to Lisbon, Portugal- solo. Did I speak the language? No. Did I know anybody there? Also no. So why go? The roundtrip flight was only $390, and for that, I simply couldn't hesitate. I also just desperately wanted to gtf out of here.

I was thrilled for the deal, and for the chance to explore a new city. But it wasn't until that ride to the airport that I got super nervous. The thing about traveling alone is that everyone's doubts and hesitations start instilling fear in you- because they aren't as confident to both make decisions like this on their own, and actually be comfortable alone. If you go anywhere with the mentality that something bad is going to happen to you- guess what; something bad most likely will. I handed TSA my passport and vax card, and now there was no turning back.

Yes! Hostel- where I stayed for the week. It was super clean, and the staff was hella friendly! 

After a brief layover walking around Madrid (as I missed my connecting flight) - I finally arrived in Lisbon- and it was absolutely unreal to the eyes. Everything about this city was charming and picturesque. From the laundry drying outside of windows, the beautifully aged architecture, seeing the tram drive through town, to the cobblestoned streets. It was all so incredibly mesmerizing and clean. It really felt like being in another world. I walked for hours without aim- emitting main character energy. Airpods in and glasses on- I felt eager to take on the rest of the week.

To be quite honest, I really didn't spend much of this trip on my own. I actually made friends! It all started being drunk with strangers. Dancing alone at MusicBox on Pink Street, I met another solo traveler from Paris (who was ironically also staying at the same hostel.) We spent the rest of the week eating, drinking, and traveling our way around Lisbon and Sintra.

Pena Palace in Sintra (abut 45 minutes via Uber from Lisbon)

Alto do Bairro- where I had the best tapas of my existence!

Simply asking my Italian roomates for the wifi password was all it took to engage in conversation. At the end of their trip- they even left me a bottle of wine and a bracelet- which was such an incredibly nice gesture. Why couldn't it be this easy making friends back at home?

On day 2 of my bender, I approached another guy at a dive bar. With drink in hand I asked, "What brings you here?" The answer- nothing close to what I had anticipated. He had a super successful Etsy shop with over 20,000 sales on one item ALONE. And then you realize that's all it really takes- just one really great idea to live your best life and be able to become a digital nomad.

My theory of Hinge working in Portugal was proven wrong- it still only connects with the US. Tinder, on the other hand does work! And these mennnnn- absolutely divine to the eyes. I really got over 30 messages within a day and a half asking about my experience in the city, if I was interested in going out for dinner- there were even strangers asking if I wanted to blaze haha. (Fun fact- weed is mixed with tobacco there.) Another fun fact- you can buy drugs off the street, but they are placebos/ regs/ not shit you should be taking.

I ended up going out with a native! And was really glad that I did. He took me to try Ginginha ( a Portuguese liqueur made from sour cherries), we went to a few thrift stores, may or may not have blazed in Alfama overlooking the city at night, and went to see a live performance of fado at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant. (Fado is musically symbolic to Portuguese culture and tradition. It actually translates to "fate".)

Asides having the time of my life, I saw signs every single day. From "immersive experiences", to "why wait?", to "life is good" , every day of this trip I feel like life was indirectly trying to communicate with me. Prior to coming I was so incredibly burnt out and jaded. Life felt soooooooo routine, boring, and I was going through the motions mechanically, and on auto-pilot. Every day gave me more of a push to continue living on my own terms and to never stop doing so.

(Maybe the liquid courage gave me a little push to be more social, but I would strongly advise DRINKING IN MODERATION when traveling alone! Granted Portugal is one of the safest countries in the world- it's still best to be alert and aware!)

What am I living for?

Sunday, February 6, 2022

 If you follow me on Instagram and read my stories, you would know that I made a decision to leave the fashion industry. Don't get me wrong, my love for fashion and dressing up still remains, but I couldn't even pretend to want to do it anymore.

When I really thought about it, my jobs have always felt like my only personality trait as I had little to no time for anything else. After a gruesome few years of climbing the product development ladder, I asked myself, "What am I living for?" When I realized I had no answer- that was my moment of clarity.

I'm not going to exchange my happiness and life for a paycheck anymore. A lot of people said I needed to do this for my mental health, but I don't view it that way. I need a reason to feel excited about life again. And with how things have been the past few years, I haven't felt this way in a really long time.

I want every day to feel like a fucking adventure. & The immediate decision was to go to Europe and add another country to my list.

This time next week, I'll be off to Lisbon, Portugal- completely alone and I cannot wait. Quiet mornings at hole in the wall cafes, people watching, sight seeing, writing daily, and seeing all of Lisbon- I might even be ballsy enough to record dancing tiktoks in public, and go on dates with Portugese men (yes, I only re-downloaded Hinge for this sole reason.) (No, I still am not interested in a relationship or "the one.") Ironically enough I land on Valentines day, and am still trying to find a cute spot to take myself to dinner!

I'm not putting my life on hold anymore, and that's what it really comes down to. I'm looking forward to some time off to focus on my old hobbies, find some new ones, and work on my fitness. When I am ready to re-enter the workforce- I will.

I'm on a mission to do me- and I encourage everyone I know to start prioritizing themselves, and putting their jobs second. 

& Start living for you again.

Done with 2021

Thursday, December 30, 2021

February 7th of 2021 was the beginning of my new life.

Needless to say, it was a really difficult year for me.  At the time, I was crying religiously, sleeping for hours on end (when not being able to sleep at all) and had nightmares for months. I'd wake up in such a panic that I'd blast my music through my airpods, throw on a baseball cap -Joe Goldberg style, and just ran on the track almost daily. Running away from my problems became one of the most positive things I've done LOL. Even on these brick fucking nights, I'll still do a lap or two- it's grown to be one of my  favorite places. So shoutout to the track.

This post is going to be a little different because it isn't going to be all about me, instead, it's going to be about the people that got me through this year:

Mom & Dad- you graciously took me in with no expiration date. While it's cost me my sanity every other day, I can't be more grateful to be in this position. It stresses me tf out knowing that you both aren't getting any younger, and that this is my last chance to be home and get more time with you both. So thanks for putting up with me and my hyper little hotdog.

To my sister Lavinia. You drove me to my driving lessons, gave me side work, and moved all my shit back home in one trip- all within a few hours. You checked in often, and still do. For the first time in years, this is the best bond we've ever had. Love you to your jesus and back- thank you.

To my best friend Ari. You were there for me every moment. You called, you texted, and sent endless memes to keep me laughing. You'd take me out, and invited me out, and checked in. You even let Bruss tag along too. From my quarter life crisis of wanting of tooth gems and just singing in your car, to day-to-day conversations that were solely memes and Tiktoks, there's no one else I'd want to be best friends with. I always say that the world is such a terrible place to be without a best friend- and it really would be without you. The best things in life you can't buy or replace- because to me you are absolutely fucking irreplaceable. Love you till the end of eternity. One day we will successfully make mochi that won't end up looking like soup.

To Zack- I'm so horribly sorry I never got a therapist but you listened to me vent for hours on end, and you did it for free haha. You're one of the few people I know who will always choose to make the right choices, move in silence, and to always be there. Even if its a random 2pm and I'm calling you fuming on the way to Central Park. We've had some really funny (and drunk) nights this year. I've told you every ounce of my personal life and never once have you looked down on me for it. You really are the realest and most raw person I know. Thanks for always taking the time out of your grind to chill and hear me blab for hours on end. Thanks for always being such a genuine and reliable friend. I'd be at a loss without you. Next round of shots at Duffy's is on me.

To all my girls- ugh don't hate me if I leave someone out because it's late and I'm tired as shit.

To my bb Rachel, you always invited me over to parties at your apartment, even if I wasn't the most social and awkwardly sat on your couch- it felt really nice to just be invited and to be around people. Thanks for listening, getting me to go out, and letting me model a few of your pieces for your brand. I cant wait to see your success Ms.CEO!!!

To Renee- I couldn't be more comfortable looking as ugly naturally as I do on facetime with you. Thanks for all the late night facetime sessions and being my soul sista. Work and life get in the way of seeing each other, but I can always expect a random call and just end up feeling so much better. Ironically enough I could never stay awake in Intro to Textiles, and now yarns and filaments are my life. I should have studied as much as you did lmfao. We need another international trip as it's deff time for one. Can't wait to be screaming Jesse McCartney songs with you in May.

To Andrea and Nina- while covid ruined our trio trip to Mexico- it hasn't ruined our friendship. You've been both here for me- states and countries away. I'm still so bummed we couldn't all be together, but it was one of the most exciting experiences of this year-also the most wild. Sometimes I wonder what my crazy airport husband is up too. I'm so proud of you both and am in complete awe of how easy you both make starting over in a new state and country look sooo damn seamless. You both inspire me to be more fearless and take some giant fucking life changes. I can't wait to visit NC & Sweden!

To my Kohls besties Kim and Jailynn. For us getting to reconnect and finally see each other since the beginning of the pandemic- thanks for always checking in , letting me vent, and even offering me a place to stay. Nobody can make a better charcoochie board or understand the aesthetics of the assignment. Love my insanely driven baddies- you both have hearts of gold- thank you.

To Adrienne, we really reconnected this year and got a lot closer. You've always been the smarter one, but now I know what an incredibly strong and independent woman that you are. Thanks for checking in, hanging out, and being a great friend. One of these jobs we will successfully be able to take a trip without having to worry about conflicting work calendar dates haha.

To Francis. I wrote about all the shitty guys of this summer, but I now I want to tell everyone about the best one- you. I absolutely love your energy, style, and how willing you always are to do and try something new with me. You are my favorite person of 2021. You've taken me on the best dates, have helped restore my confidence, and you're such a great fucking person. I always look forward to seeing you because the vibes are immaculate, you're positive, well-mannered, and funny. I hope every girl finds a guy like you. Thank you.

To my dapple boy Bruss. There has been so much drama this year because of you, and you literally have not the slightest clue. I'm so happy (and insanely fucking relieved) that you are with me forever, and nobody will EVER dare interfere with that again. I promise to do nothing but give you the best life, make sure you always have the best toys and cutest little outfits. I don't even cook for me but at 5am you're the only existing thing in the world I'd wake up for to cooked scrambled eggs with sausages. Thanks for being my little pain in the ass, the reason I wake up with neck pain because of how distorted I have to sleep, and for always giving me a reason to smile. Love you my hammy hammy. Thank you.

To my Coney Shop supporters- this is now year 2 in business. While I fell off for a while, ya'll still showed support and helped me make donations to the Coney Island Lighthouse Mission to help provide food for the needy and elderly here in Coney. Year 3 I hope to make even bigger contributions. So thanks for the ever present support<3

& Even to my old FS team. I managed to survive there as long as I did because I worked with you all. The fashion industry can be so incredibly intense and you guys were some of the hardest (and longest) working group I've ever worked with. You gave me a greater appreciation for footwear and footwear construction. While I barely wear shoes anymore (WFH perks) I can point out what's an insole binding, zipper gore, gum sole, and a whole bunch of other details I would have previously overlooked. So yes, thanks to you all too.

I can now say that I'm ending the year in a much more positive mindset than I started it. I feel so much better, have a clear sense of purpose and direction, and am really prioritizing all things that are important for me and my growth, and my happiness. To all the people I mentioned above, (and to all the people that were also in for the ride- shoutout to my lawyer-) thank you all for helping me navigate this really uncomfortable year. I'm so blessed to not only have you all in, but apart of my life, and it's something I will never take for granted.

& On that note- I'm done with 2021. 

Wishing everyone a healthy , positive, and successful 2022.


Financially Fit

Saturday, December 18, 2021

 Thanks to COVID I gained about 13 pounds, lost 7, and then gained back about 5 more. But I also dropped 130 pounds when I decided to end my 4 year relationship and start my life over back from my childhood bedroom. Depressed, unemployed, and with pennies to my name, shit was well...shitty. But my weight wasn't the only thing that wasn't fit- so were my finances.

I really can't explain it but once I moved back home I had this realization that I would never live in a luxury building again- especially on a fashion salary. Living is so much more affordable when you split rent. Ya girl isn't a people person and at 27 you wouldn't fucking catch me with a roommate unless its a boyfriend that I see a future with. And with a high energy hot dog , mini cooper insurance, and 17 THOUSAND DOLLARS in student loan debt and 3 thousand in credit card debt- I felt completely and utterly fucked. I felt like my childhood bedroom would become my life yet again for the next 25 years to come.

Maybe life decided to throw me a big bone because two weeks after my grand coney arrival- I had finally received a job offer. Consistent work and money! The thing with being an adult is that you have the freedom to spend as much as you want, and that's what makes it so easy and dangerous. Maybe it was due to a random TikTok I had scrolled across on my FYP, or my fear of living with my parents forever- something really told me I needed to start preparing for MY future- one that involved me and absolutely nobody else. With a mild shopping addiction and enjoying the "finer" things in life like natural lighting, washer/dryer in unit, gym in building, yearly international vacations, and a beautifully curated space; I really needed to make moves. So this is exactly what I did:

  • I read a fuck ton of books on finance and personal budgeting at the library. Yup, made use of free resources. You should too!
  • Started listening to money podcasts on the way to work (Financial Feminist was an N ride fave)
  • For the first time in my life, I grew a pair and asked for a 10k raise at my job ( I was so confident but got shot down two days later. It's all good though, I found a job that gave me a title promotion  that 10k increase,  AND IT'S MOSTLY WFH !!!!!! ) But here were some other really helpful things:

In the beginning, I tracked my spending.

Keyword here is tracked- not budgeted. Went on good ole Google Docs (something I haven't avidly used since college) and created a chart of the month, and tracked how much was spent per day, and what it was spent on. From there, I could see where I could cut corners in order to start saving better. Goodbye one-way $70 Ubers from Williamsberg on the weekends and daily $20 spent on breakfast/lunches.

Almost my entire paycheck went towards my student loans.

My loans were going to get paid off regardless of me moving back home, but being home put me in a situation that I had to use to my advantage- paying them off ASAP. As during COVID payments were put on hold for a year, likewise the interest- my personal goal was to pay them off completely before entering the repayment period. Let's say I made $4,768 bi-weekly, I would make a $4,700 payment for one check and live off of $68 for the next 13 days. (Note I do NOT make this amount- one day though, and more at that.) This sounds completely fucking crazy and unrealistic, but it worked. You'd really be surprised how well you can stretch your money this way. For months my checking was looking like a few sad Benjamins, but that loan amount was drastically dropping.

I only ate out on the weekends, but packed my lunch during the week.

Honestly, this was the hardest tip to incorporate. Like Cardi B, I also don't cook or clean- I don't enjoy either. Spending an hour cooking for something that will be devoured in 15 minutes is the biggest waste of my time, so buying food out and not having to meal prep and do dishes is a convenience I would gladly pay for. Working by Central Park was gorgeous and offered tonssssss of food options- shit was so expensive though. I really was spending $20 a day (I'm looking at you: fresh n co, Daiynobu, and Poke Spot.) $100 a week x 3 weeks? Not including brunch and eating out on the weekends? No longer an option.

Learned the difference between needs and wants.

Ugh once again, also really fucking hard. The "treat yourself" mentality had to go. I shopped when pieces I loved were on sale, hunted for promo codes, and just didn't buy clothes if some sort of good discount wasn't involved. Did I need a pair of $200 Jeffrey Campbell boots, or did I need to make a loan payment? Sometimes you just need to put yourself in check.

I joined random facebook groups about other ways women were improving their financial situations. I checked them daily. Women of all ages, life situations, and different career paths gave me intel of a life I wanted, life I wanted to steer clear from, and motivation to keep going.

And then it happened. In under half a year I successfully paid off my loans in full, eliminated my credit card debt, purchased my car in cash, and raised my credit score to be "excellent" (just a few points away from being 800!) I WAS 100% DEBT FREE. I still am. So here's what I did after becoming debt free.

Opened an HYSA.

This was a really good call. I had 3 savings accounts at my bank for 3 different reasons- checking, savings, and emergency savings. I was being charged $5 a month per account in order to have these! So I closed the two savings accounts and transferred everything into an HYSA. (Saved a nominal $10 a month and had a higher interest rate.) My absolute favorite part of my HYSA is that it has "buckets." You can name these buckets and save accordingly! I have 3 buckets- vacations, emergency fund, and condo downpayment. Money that I transfer to my savings I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TOUCH- merely just watch that number grow. It's been really difficult to not dip into that account, but I'm so happy to finally have savings to my name. 

My next step: Opened a Roth Ira

Every month I put money into my Roth IRA. You can either max it out at $6,500 a year (I do $500 a month) , or keep it sitting there until retirement. Or you can put in money to invest and grow. As I don't have a 401K (which I plan on maxing out my contribution once I'm eligible) this was my temporary backup for retirement. 

My next goal is my biggest one to date- saving a hefty amount for a downpayment on a condo. When I say I have 15 hour work days some days, I really do. I have my full time job, do remote work on the side, and freelance whenever the opportunity comes up. I write papers, flip clothes, sell coquito, make custom gifts and wedding sings- you name it. I have become so fixated , and safe to say even obsessed with making this happen. Especially with covid surging again- now's the time to be indoors and grind.

By May I hope to have a niceeee number saved, and at that point, will begin to window shop. (Granted it's something I do every night on Zillow as motivation to keep going.) One day in 2022, Bruss and me will be living  in a  gorgeous Condo somewhere in Brooklyn, and I can say I really fucking did that.

Now I just need to find a way to stop working multiple side jobs lol. But everything is a process.

Hope this was helpful to anyone! I am very fortunate to be living with my parents- which has allowed me to save and aggressively tackle all my debt. The goal is to leave the nest (for the third and final time) financially secure and ready to take on life on my own.

At some point in 2022 I will be getting a personal trainer. Just wait till I'm physically fit too ;)

The "Pull-Out" Method

Sunday, October 17, 2021

(Firstly, for work related reasons, the below is all fictional and I am a devoted child of the lord. I have not engaged in sexual activities nor have I seen a penis in my life. You may now continue reading below.)

 The Pull-Out Method- Yes, it’s exactly what you’re thinking - just on an emotional level.

If it’s anything you should learn from hot girl summer, it was to pull out before either person catches feels. But as always- easier said than done.

Truth be told, if I could write some of these fictional scenarios that fictionally happened , you could say I met my own Christian Grey, experienced the f*ck in fuckboy, partied with the FEDS , got offered a HERMES bag in exchange for marriage, was someone's pretend wife for a few hours, and experienced lust in it's fullest form. Summer 2021 was absolutely unreal.

Let it be known, I had never casually dated before. From $400 dinners , getting annihilated by mosquitoes in Prospect Park, 1st dates that including hanging with the roomates, to having Siri interrupt mid dirty deed to say "incoming call from mom" - there was the good, the bad, and the ones that made you lose faith in well ... everything.  I met some really interesting men- specifically on Hinge. 

Some noteworthy mentions- the camera man who invited himself to be my wedding date and bailed, the patron saint business man (ofc not from this country), the Williamsberg boy who closed a door on my face, the tiktoker who made a finsta to view my stories after ghosting me, the coney island creep who lived in the neighborhood, and the man from Amsterdam ave.

For the first time in my life- I was face-to-face with lust, and omfg, was it overwhelming. This man drove me absolutely W I L D. He was attractive, intellectual, well mannered, well traveled, mysterious, beautiful as helllllllll, and could physically send you on a first class flight to another world. He was my kind of perfect- but I was forgetting to pull out. Realizing that I craved more from our situationship (that lasted about a month compared to my standard 3-4 business days) , I ended things without ever telling him how I felt. I immediately unmatched , removed him as a follower, unfollowed him, and never spoke to him again.

Maybe it was the trauma of knowing not all things good last forever, and a flirty escapade might result in having to get a lawyer a few years down the road. This may or may not be fictional, but that's a story for another time...

So that's a wrap on hot girl summer.

I would only recommend the pull out method emotionally (and not in any other way). There's things that scream, cry, and shit consistently- unless you want him to be your baby daddy, be smart.

Be celebate and save sex for marriage. For those of you that have continued on to thot-hum, enjoy-  cause I'm sitting this one out. 

Until next time.

The Good in Goodbye

Friday, June 25, 2021

What do you get when you leave a four year relationship, on top of getting laid off, a month long case of hives, having no money, andddddd taking an unannounced trip at midnight to surprise your parents that you've come to live with them? Answer: one very depressed bitch.

I think the world can collectively agree that the past year and change has been one hell of a ride. I had a comfortable life before panoramic, pon de replay, whatever you wana to call it- stable relationship, dream apartment, decent job, (minor) savings in da bank, a few friends, and overall, shit was ok. 

Like a game of Uno, I was thrown wild cards back to back. Every month things were just getting worse. I was binge eating my stress and weighed the heaviest I've ever been . My one way trip to rock bottom was express- especially once someone had commented if I was expecting. Someone even went as far to RECOMMEND A PERSONAL TRAINER via Zoom. I hated that my weight was a topic of conversation- and a concern for certain people. I can't say I loved the change in my appearance- but I can't lie and say it didn't fuck me up either.

I spent a year of being aggravated at home and on unemployment. After countless interviews every month- it seemed every company was "going in a different direction." I was so restless; I took up random gigs like babysitting for literally $10 an hour. The unemployment money wasn't enough- it barely covered  rent, utilities, and groceries. I became that bitch who got a cricut and starting selling anything and everything I could- hence how Coney Shop came to life. (One of the better things that happened during this time.) Since then, business has really grown and I can proudly say I've donated a fair amount of money back to the community, and for people I know. I knew at some point I would get some positive karma. Back to my sob story.

After a week of being home, my parents asked if I planned on going back to my former lover. I'm guessing they never got the memo after endless hours of screaming "I don't need a Man," by the Pussycat Dolls from my childhood bedroom. We had five weddings to attend that year, and I hated having to tell the brides only I would be in attendance. My heart would just break even more because once upon a time- I really thought we would have our happily ever after. Only that day would never come. Now I'm convinced that day will never come. Who would willingly want to be with someone in their late 20's who has no desire for children, and who isn't willing to give up their last name? At this point in the game, most people are at that next chapter of their lives, and now, I was just staring at a blank fucking book.

So here's where it starts to get better.

FINALLY- I received a job offer!

All that work was enough to not only distract me emotionally, but all that stress helped me shed some of that weight. My new goal was to be so invested with work, that I took up random gigs every possible chance I got. Making money became so much of the motive that I'm a month and a half away from having paid off 17k in student loans. Interest on payments were frozen until October, and I wasn't trying to pay this off the rest of my life. For once in my existence I feel genuinely proud of myself for making a smart decision.

I was told a promotion is headed my way in the Fall, my vacation dates got approved for my birthday, and I don't spend all my nights crying myself to sleep anymore for the things I couldn't control or change. (Or any for that matter.)

There's still days where I wake up in a panic- frightened at how I'll be able to find and afford a place for me and Bruss, (HOW DID I FORGET TO MENTION I GOT A DOG!!!!!) , wondering when the loneliness will ever diminish, and if I will fully regain my confidence again. I've traded my days of listening to every breakup banger (still enjoy the living fuck of listening to the SOUR album daily) for dirty Reggeaton. I've excepted changes, and have new plans for the future. It's all a work in progress tbh. I had to say a lot of goodbyes to different aspects of my life in the past few months. I guess now I realize there's a "good" in goodbye- and in due time everything has a way of working out again.

Outfit deets:

Hat- Lazy Oaf

Top- Del Luvra New York

Jeans- The Kript

Sneakers- Vans

Shoutout to Royal Youths for always taking the trip down to Coney to shoot. He's currently open for bookings and I will never not recommend this man.

Toodaloo bitches- my next post will either be about my hot girl summer or my new addiction to financial literacy. Stay tuned and find out ;)

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