The Good in Goodbye

Friday, June 25, 2021




What do you get when you leave a four year relationship, on top of getting laid off, a month long case of hives, having no money, andddddd taking an unannounced trip at midnight to surprise your parents that you've come to live with them? Answer: one very depressed bitch.


I think the world can collectively agree that the past year and change has been one hell of a ride. I had a comfortable life before panoramic, pon de replay, whatever you wana to call it- stable relationship, dream apartment, decent job, (minor) savings in da bank, a few friends, and overall, shit was ok. 


Like a game of Uno, I was thrown wild cards back to back. Every month things were just getting worse. I was binge eating my stress and weighed the heaviest I've ever been . My one way trip to rock bottom was express- especially once someone had commented if I was expecting. Someone even went as far to RECOMMEND A PERSONAL TRAINER via Zoom. I hated that my weight was a topic of conversation- and a concern for certain people. I can't say I loved the change in my appearance- but I can't lie and say it didn't fuck me up either.






I spent a year of being aggravated at home and on unemployment. After countless interviews every month- it seemed every company was "going in a different direction." I was so restless; I took up random gigs like babysitting for literally $10 an hour. The unemployment money wasn't enough- it barely covered  rent, utilities, and groceries. I became that bitch who got a cricut and starting selling anything and everything I could- hence how Coney Shop came to life. (One of the better things that happened during this time.) Since then, business has really grown and I can proudly say I've donated a fair amount of money back to the community, and for people I know. I knew at some point I would get some positive karma. Back to my sob story.


After a week of being home, my parents asked if I planned on going back to my former lover. I'm guessing they never got the memo after endless hours of screaming "I don't need a Man," by the Pussycat Dolls from my childhood bedroom. We had five weddings to attend that year, and I hated having to tell the brides only I would be in attendance. My heart would just break even more because once upon a time- I really thought we would have our happily ever after. Only that day would never come. Now I'm convinced that day will never come. Who would willingly want to be with someone in their late 20's who has no desire for children, and who isn't willing to give up their last name? At this point in the game, most people are at that next chapter of their lives, and now, I was just staring at a blank fucking book.


So here's where it starts to get better.




FINALLY- I received a job offer!

All that work was enough to not only distract me emotionally, but all that stress helped me shed some of that weight. My new goal was to be so invested with work, that I took up random gigs every possible chance I got. Making money became so much of the motive that I'm a month and a half away from having paid off 17k in student loans. Interest on payments were frozen until October, and I wasn't trying to pay this off the rest of my life. For once in my existence I feel genuinely proud of myself for making a smart decision.


I was told a promotion is headed my way in the Fall, my vacation dates got approved for my birthday, and I don't spend all my nights crying myself to sleep anymore for the things I couldn't control or change. (Or any for that matter.)


There's still days where I wake up in a panic- frightened at how I'll be able to find and afford a place for me and Bruss, (HOW DID I FORGET TO MENTION I GOT A DOG!!!!!) , wondering when the loneliness will ever diminish, and if I will fully regain my confidence again. I've traded my days of listening to every breakup banger (still enjoy the living fuck of listening to the SOUR album daily) for dirty Reggeaton. I've excepted changes, and have new plans for the future. It's all a work in progress tbh. I had to say a lot of goodbyes to different aspects of my life in the past few months. I guess now I realize there's a "good" in goodbye- and in due time everything has a way of working out again.




Outfit deets:

Hat- Lazy Oaf

Top- Del Luvra New York

Jeans- The Kript

Sneakers- Vans


Shoutout to Royal Youths for always taking the trip down to Coney to shoot. He's currently open for bookings and I will never not recommend this man.


Toodaloo bitches- my next post will either be about my hot girl summer or my new addiction to financial literacy. Stay tuned and find out ;)





Goodbye Coney

Friday, April 10, 2020



Do any of you remember being in grade school and being asked , "what motivates you?” And every basic in the class would be like , "my mommy and daddy!!!” That my friends, was never my answer. Don’t get me wrong, my parents are phenomenal, but my motivation was always Coney Island, and I’ll tell you why.

My morning walks to the Stillwell Avenue train station, as a child, would consist of passing the drunk and the druggies almost every morning. I’d see the little baggies on the floor and instantly knew they weren’t for candy. Pabst blue ribbon and , brown Heineken bottles were my introduction to brand logos. And the looks people eyes of being faded away into an alternate reality , even at a mere 7am, were ones I grew familiar with.




We were smart enough to never walk on Surf Avenue at night, because no good would happen.  We couldn’t walk around the neighborhood dressed up too nice , because we didn't want to attract attention. My parents were afraid of us to hang out with our friends, so we didn’t get to do too much of that. Coney didn’t have the best rep back in the day. It was a hot neighborhood. Most of grade school and high school I was embarrassed to tell people were I even lived. The second those words would come out of my mouth, the replies were instant, "isn't that a really bad neighborhood? "Don't only poor people live there?" "Isn't that the ghetto?"





Coney had its pros and it's cons for sure, but once the train pulled into the terminal, and I could see the flashing lights from Luna along with the shore, I knew I was home. Regardless of what people had to say, there was still something special about it.


It holds even more value to me because I based my blog around it- everything from my name, to my photoshoot pictures, are all because of home. 


I’ve lived here for exactly a quarter of my life- the last 25 years if you are mathematically dyslexic like me. That’s a realllllllllly long time. That translates to:


  • 25 summers spent at the beach
  • Over $1,000 spent on $2 cabs (real ones remember when they used to be $1)
  • A little under 4,015 rides on the B74
  • two hurricanes (one catastrophic one causing us to rebuild our house)
  • several summers of baseball games
  • 275 summer Friday fireworks
  • a billion rides to and from the Stillwell Avenue Train station
  • hundreds of walks on the boardwalk at dusk to see the changing sunset
  • years of watching the Mermaid Parade (several seeing it in person)
  • Porkie getting stolen TWICE and sold off 
  • several summers at NAT camp
  • several years playing for OLS and then 4 years playing softball on the Hustlers
  • a few house parties
  • a few years dancing ballet and modern at Arts House
  • a few visits to the Seagate beach club
  • 4 years of shooting content at Luna, the boardwalk, and the art walls
  • and ALOT of time spent in my cozy, checkerboard room



So, now that you've seen the title, you can guess that I left. I didn't think that two weeks after writing the "resolution tour," that my boyfriend and I would actually find our starter apartment! So that my friends, was my reason for moving.

My inspiration from a young age has always been Coney because I never wanted to end up like some of the people I've grown up seeing. The homeless, the hippies, the drunks, the druggies, the mental lady that carries the baby stroller with the baby doll down Mermaid and Neptune. I don't know their stories or if they plan on changing it, but I know mine. IT WILL ALWAYS BE HOME, and no matter where in the world I go, I won't lose sight of that or the memories I've made from growing up here. It's made me a stronger person; one thats had to work really hard to make a living for myself, and to have been able to make this move. 

It feels really weird to not live there anymore, but its still a short drive away. I'm only a few steps away from seeing the parachute jump from my new backyard. 

on that note: Hello Shaolin, I've returned. 

Photos by @royal.youths

The Resolution Tour

Sunday, December 29, 2019





Not only was it the name of a Jesse McCartney tour that Renee and me drove to in the middle of bummblefuck PA where girls had snapchat stories of their horses and hair that smelled awful (love you Jmac,) but it's what I'm calling my 2020 new year resolutions. Because... a tour starts somewhere and ends somewhere. And sometimes some stops are cancelled for unknown reasons.

I like writing things down because it helps me to remember and gives me a reason to stay motivated. Also, by sharing it with the rest of the world, it holds me more accountable in the event that people actually follow up with me about it.

Current resolutions:

- be in an even more dedicated relationship with Classpass (than I already am)
- Finally get my license (this has been on the list for the last few years; but it's new decade energy now)
- get.a.new.job.
- stop being so lazy on days off
-go back to school for a license (not fashion related!!!)
- stop obsessively AND consistently eating so much sugar at work
-find a daily routine that works for me
-try to be more patient/engaging with people that try to talk to me in person



Other thing to work towards:

-buying a mini Cooper


BIG ADULT LIFE MOMENT TO WORK TOWARDS:
-finding my dream starter apartment (well really our* dream apartment bc bae and me will be moving in together) Maybe this year won't be the year, but maybe it will. I've already started viewing, and let me tell you, everything is a false advertisement. And so far it's crushing me a little more each time that it doesn't work out.

And its a topic that's starting to kickbox a small nerve : "So when are you two moving?" "Have you started looking?" "Start saving for your apartment."

I get it. We are old. At some point we are going to have to leave home, but on our terms and when the meant to be listing is available. Has the idea been pressuring? Eh. Do I hear it a lot more usual lately? Kinda, yeah. Do I feel ready? Hell yeah, but also I ask people at Ryde Cycle to help me get my shoes detached from the bike so...

Heres to knocking some of these resolutions off the list this year. What are your resolutions? Drop it low in the comments below, or just drop it low after the ball has dropped. Have a safe New Years everyone. I'll be sipping on boba mimosas post last sushi dinner of the decade ;)


Photos by @Rachel.Rusian and edits by me.

72 huurs in Amsterdam

Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Last week Tuesday  I ventured off to Amsterdam- solo! To be quite honest, I wasn't really impressed. Yes, the canals and streets are equally as calm and cute, and without a doubt this Dutch city had so much charm to offer- but to me, nothing really stood out or wanted me to stay longer.

To summarize, Amsterdam is SUPERRRRR SAFEEEE. I repeat, SUPERRRR SAFE.You can walk any time of day alone and rest assured you will live to tell the tale. Weed is legal, yet people are still very much civil in their ways. (Space Cake and joints were super cheap and completely accessible.) (I'm talking about a mere 5 euros!) Prostitution is legal and regulated here. You can see the "hoes" in display cases the same way you will a pair of hype sneakers. You would think these two factors would make it a wild city, but it was quite the contrary.

People ride bikes religiously. Rain, shine, all the time- there was never a moment you wouldn't see someone on a bike. It was no wonder I didn't encounter a single overweight person the entire time.

There was no trash on the ground, no cat calling. nobody really even on the streets walking to take pics for me lmaoo. Everyone spoke English! If you can get by with public transportation in NYC, then commuting here is ultimately similar with the exception of no homeless people or trash on the train or trams.

I will miss all the amazing Vegan restaurants that I endured awkward experiences for dinning alone, but for now, I'm happy to be home.















Self Sustainability

Sunday, November 10, 2019



So this post may get a little TMI for some people, but ultimately we are here to learn from my experiences, have a laugh or two, and maybe , just maybe, try something new.

Yes I've gone MIA for a while, but this topic has been in the back of my mind for quite some time. I was never the type to be deeply rooted in sustainability and why it matters, but I found myself picking up little habits over the past few months. Then, I realized that these little changes, ever so nominal as they may be, actually do make a difference in both my personal life, but also for the planets as well.

The topic of sustainability really came into my radar two summers ago when I was interning. I had an apartment in the city and lived alone. Keyword here being "alone," yet I was always shocked at just how much trash I would dispose of at the end of the week... I wanted to try more to reduce that.

I pack my own lunch most of the time, and for years, always used plastic bags and plastic sandwich bags. But you use 'em once, you throw it away like a fuckboy that just wanted to hit it and quit it. Why constantly replace something when you can just consistently use the same thing? GO on Amazon, find yourself a sandwich sized plastic container, banana container, packable salad bowl, whatever you need to carry food, and stop using your plastics.


When you were younger, you would have gotten away with carrying your lunch in a plastic or brown bag, but imagine being a grown ass adult dressed up on the train, and carrying Stop n Shops finest? Overall, it just looks sloppy. For presentation purposes as well, get a reusable tote. It'll hold up better, look better, and overall will be better.

The shower. I love places like Lush because I can buy package free soap and shampoo bars and use them until the product is no more. Now, we all grow hair, and majority, want to remove it, so we buy disposable razors. This next alternative is the more pricer of suggestions, but hear me out. Women will shave over 7,000 times in their lifetime and spend over $10,000 in disposable products. Don't believe me? Check out some glamour articles and read for yourself. Some people opt for waxing, which at the end of the day, is wasteful because you still have to throw strips out. I personally, do laser hair removal. There is no mess, the pain is a little sting, and it drastically removes your hair growth. You will have to shave every mercury in retrograde after about 6 laser sessions, but you won't be spending $15 a month at CVS on the same BIC razors you've been using your entire life.

Since the shower is the in the bathroom, it bring me to the next subtopic- periods. IDK about the rest of the world reading this, but after a few days, my ceramic trash bin is already filled with wrappers and all that brightly colored shit thats meant to mentally make a period more appealing and "happy." Newflash, wrapping products in bright pinks and purple will NOT internally make me feel better. Periods aren't only filled with endless cramps, but trash too. You have to buy pads, tampons, liners, Mydol, extra underwear.... fun expenses that come with being a woman. But have you ever heard of/ tried a menstrual cup?  Put it in, take it out, rinse and repeat until your flow is no more. You wont have anxiety of things like leakage, having to grab a tampon when nobody is looking to sneak into the bathroom,  and so on. Theres so many benefits to a cup and it's so incredibly waste free. I would personally recommend the brand Saalt which you can find at your local Target.

These are just a few of the ways I implement sustainability in my day-to-day life, so what about you? Drop it low in the comments below to get a conversation going.



Photos by France

25

Sunday, September 8, 2019

The only difference between these photos and the ones I took while wearing this dress on my birthday is that I don't look embarrassingly gross post nap. Because that's exactly what I did on my birthday...work a half day, buy my birthday cake at Flour Shop, and go home to take a 4 hour nap. What can I say? Exhaustion does come with age.

Anyway I'm gonna keep this short because I've developed the worst carpal tunnel recently.

I am officially a quarter old and and feel super happy. I've been making it an effort to reconnect with friends more, say yes to events and outings, and basically tackling on almost everything that comes my way. Only now I've physically exhausted myself and my feet hate me for it haha. Also my whatever system was like "hey you haven't had allergies recently, so let's kill you and leave you bedridden." It sucks, but shoutout to Benadryl's side effects!!!!


ANYWAY, that's my 25 update, enjoy the last two photos of my recent mood.




Dress via Dollskill and photos by @royal.youths


N0t Pinky's Space

Wednesday, August 21, 2019




photos by : @zack.ofalltrades
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